I feel like a sponge that needs to just wring out and process everything I’ve absorbed so I can process what I want to hold onto and what what I can let go of.
I’ve made my way to a lovely home in Newport Beach, CA. I am graced to have met the Keyes family through a friend of a friend of a friend who once couchsurfed here, haha.
And I have to say that only thing that truly makes sense to me lately is the joy and love that I see in the family I’m staying with here.
My quest has been to write about all of these conscious businesses and lifestyles and there are many exciting posts that I will “wring out” in the next couple of hours as I catch everyone up on laying it down. It’s interesting, I’ve gone to all of these conferences, workshops, cafes and businesses, in quest of the meaning to life… and I think I’m starting to see it coming together.
Beneath the surface of everyday awakening, learning, growing there is a force that DRIVES us to create. I recently wrote a couple lyrics, as I’m trying to solve this puzzle:
What is it that drives us to create?
Why do we get out of bed each day?
Without the light, we’re in the shadow
Without a direction, there’s no-where to go.
I’m going to be really honest. Throughout my entire life I’ve tried to find the illusive “peace.” I thought if I could just get the room set up the way I wanted, get some quiet, and make sure everyone else was happy, and I wasn’t bothering anyone then I could go to that special place and find my “peace.”
Once I was there I’d read or play guitar, go for walks outside, and be “at peace” with myself. But if other people were to interrupt that time, or distract me from my “peace,” or even try to join me on these walks I’d often lose that complete sense of comfort, and feel anxiety. I had put so much effort into creating my own little world so I could be “at peace,” and that meant alone and without anyone else to impress or who needed my attention and who I had to smile and listen to while I really just wanted to go back to my little “comfort zone of peace.”
Recently I’ve had some great conversations with Greg & Diana, the couple that I’m staying with in Newport. Greg talks about “tension,” an inherent quality of existence. Tension is a delicate balance between being completely relaxed to the point of immobility and the strenuous tightness that causes pain and discomfort (also causing and immobility).
Basically, to be alive and moving, we have to have a certain level of “tension” holding our bodies together, propelling us forward, holding us in place. As in yoga, the truest releases and relaxation comes from flexing our bodies. It seems contradictory, but it’s not. We have to put energy into our bodies to allow the body to relax. Relaxation does not exist without a release.
It’s so simple and obvious. But it’s rewarding to find peace after chaos. It’s rewarding to find solutions. Without the puzzle, there’s nothing to solve. We like this game. We chose to play, to be here, to speak, to run, to CREATE.
Our lives are not just about seeking that moment of empty “peace” as I imagined it in my room all alone, meditating, but to also find PEACE with the cycles, changes, growth, & constant everyday unfolding and evolution of LIFE.
Perspective allows us to see this in many ways. In the past, I would get frustrated with myself because as an artist I always rushed to “finish” my artwork. I liked that feeling of stepping back and viewing the details as a whole. It’s “come together,” I liked that sense of cohesion, and fitting the puzzle piece into place. I felt the details were messy and seemingly didn’t make sense, but when viewed with an eagle eye’s perspective, there was always a whole LOT more going on beneath the visible 3-D surface of this puzzle.
Maybe the puzzle is 4-D or 5-D or 100,000D or simply infinite.
When we pick up two pieces sometime they just don’t fit together. That doesn’t mean that they don’t belong in the same larger picture. Or that they have to all look the same.
Maybe the rules change constantly as we put together the pieces and we start seeing that just by desiring to make sense of them by beginning to play, they seemingly “fall into place….” And maybe we are all participating in the creation of the puzzle so we can step back, observe, and marvel at the beauty of life.
Peace needs something to pull us, to push us, to create. Within the chaos there is certainly order, patterns, cycles: Day and night/ Tidal waves, rising and falling/ Seasonal changes of winter, spring, summer, fall/ Stages of life: birth, childhood, development, adulthood, sex, giving birth, maturation, deterioration, decay, death. This exists for all kingdoms of life – plants, animals, planets, stars, etc.
“Tension” could be seen as the string of time. Tension is the line that runs through the spirals, connecting places, space, and matter. Tension can be ascended or descended like a spiral stair case.
“Tension” could be the key to our ascension.
Once we understand how we evolve, how life is constantly in flux , we can allow ourselves to be, to grow, in harmony WITH a certain amount of tension. It is the tension itself that springs us forward into LIFE.
I spent so much time avoiding confrontation, afraid of hurting other people’s feelings or not sure if it even mattered putting energy into talking to them. If there was really any purpose to it all. I now realize that we all share a common existence, but each person’s experience is UNIQUE and confrontation (con-FRONT-ing) of the other puzzle pieces could mean simply flipping them over to see their true colors. Rather than getting mad or angry that we don’t “fit” next to them, or we can’t understand them, we can simply recognize their common goals to find the balance of tension and existence, as we co-create our lives.
We don’t have to build exactly the same life, we can each choose what we want and create that life for ourselves.
One law or rule I’ve recently come to understand more fully is perception. The truth is, when we focus on scarcity or “not enough” that is the ideology that we bring into our existence. When we focus on abundance, we see all the blessings we DO have. I realize more and more everyday how it’s our own internal nature that creates our PERCEPTION of the external world around us.
I have been cranky and tired, and felt only the frustration, worry, and fear that comes along with money, work, and “having to keep going.” And other times I reflect back and realize I don’t think I would have appreciated where I am now if it wasn’t a puzzle of learning and stretching and growing to get here.
There is magic. The whole world is magic, the universe doesn’t reply to an order or a snapping of the fingers. In order to create and shift our experience our existence, there are certain “puzzle rules” or laws of attraction, gravity, time, energy, space, and perception that exist in this 3-D realm.
We can use these rules/laws/guidelines/programming as a foundation from which we can imagine, dream, grow, create, craft, shift, and unfold into the divine beings we truly are.
I have been reading The Ringing Cedar Series, and again and again Anastasia speaks about our inherent ability as human beings to CO-create the world in which we exist. We have been given this ability through a source some call God, universe, father, mother, spirit, divine spark, big bang, etc… but without a label, it simply IS. (“I am who I am.”)
At the Longevity Conference I attended in Costa Mesa, CA, this weekend, David Wolfe kept quoting Napoleon Hill saying “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”
I’m loving putting the pieces together, in order to create. I am finding that once I allow myself to just enjoy playing with the puzzle, building and creating, I am more capable of communicating and opening to others and finding joy in the different gifts that we each bring.
Here’s to the puzzle.
Live it. Love it. Get into “the flow” and see what emerges 🙂